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enjoyreading.rediffiland.com/
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Geeta saar ( OFFICE HUMOR )
Geeta saar ( OFFICE HUMOR ) This is what Bhagwan Shri Krishna wants to tell you . Hey .......(Employee) ,
Incentive nahi mila, Bura Huva
Salary cut rahi hai, Bura Huva
Extra shift hogi, who bhi bure hogi. Hey Arjuna,
Tum pitchla incentive na milne ka paschatap na karo,
Tum agle incentive ki chinta na karo,
Bus apni salary main santusta raho....
Tumhari pocket se kya gaya , Jo rote ho?
Jo aaya tha sab uper ki income thee. ;-)
Tum jab nahi the, tab bhi company chal rahi thee
Tum jab nahi hoge, tab bhi chalegee.
Hey Dhananjaya,
Tum NE aisa kaun as response diya, Jo tumhara tha.
Sab kuch, 'cut-copy-paste' ka khel tha.
Tum koi experience leker nahi aaye the..
Jo experience mila, yahi mila...
Jo support diya company ke liye...
Degree leker aaye the, experience leker chalo.
Jo system aaj tumhara hai...
Who kal kisi aur ka tha....
Kal kisi aur ka or parson kisi aur ka hoga..
Tum ise apna samajh kar kyo magan ho rahe ho..
Hey Kaunteya,
Yahi tumhari tension kaa kaaran hai.
"Kyo wayarth chinta karte ho, kisse wayarth darte ho,
Kaun tumhe nikaal sakta hai......"
' Policy change' company ka rule hai.
Jise tum policy change kahte ho, wahi to trick hai.
"Ek pal main tum Best performer or Hero no.1 ya Super
Star ban jaate ho,
Dusre pal main tum worst performer aur target nahin
Achieve kar paatey ho."
Appraisal, incentive etc. Etc. Mann se hata do,
Vichaar se mita do. . .
Phir company tumhari hai or tum company ke.
Tasmat Arjuna,
Na yeh increment wageyrah tumhare liye hai, na tum
Iske kabhi the. Parantu job secure hai :-) Phir tum
Tension kyon lete ho........? Tum apne aap ko company
Ko arpit kar do. Yahi sabse bada golden rule hai. Jo
Is golden rule ko jaanta hai, who review,
Incentive,recession ,retirement aadi se sada ke liye
Muqt ho jaata hai...
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Ek Chidiya anek Chidiya
Hi All, I came across this very old DD animated video. So just thought sharing the lyrics it with u all guys. Lyrics:
mmmm mmmm hind desh… mmm huhu… hum sabhee…. ek hain… tara ra ra raaa bhashaa anek hain
mmmm mmmm bhasha anek hain…. mmmm mmmmm yeh anek kya hain didi ? anek yani bahut saare….
bahut saare, kya bahut saare? acha, batatee hoon… suraj ek…chanda ek…..taare anek…. taroN ko anek bhi kehte hain ????? nahi nahi !! dekho phir se
suraj ek, chanda ek, ek ek ek karke taare bane anek….
theek se samjhao naa didi dekho dekho ek gilahari peeche peeche anek gilahariyan
ek thithli, ….. ek aur thithali……
ek ek ek karke ho gayee ab, anek thithliyaaN… samajhgaya didi ek ungli, anek ungliyaan haaan, didi didi woh dekho anek chidiyan… anek chidiyoN ki kahani sunoge …. haan haan aa aa aaa,ek chidiya, ek ek karke anek chidiya ….dana chugne aayee chidiyan …..
chorus : didi humen bhi sunaonaa…….tho suno phirse… ek chidiya, anek chidiyaN
dana chugne baith gayee thi ….. hai raam, par wahan byaadh ne ek jaal bhijaya tha… byaadh, byaadh kaun didi ?
byaadh … chidiya pakadne wala “phir kya hua didi, byaadhne unhe pakad liya, maar daala… ” un..huh… Himmat se gar jute rahe to chote ho par, mile rahe tho
bada kaam bhi hove bhaiya..bada kaam bhi hove bhaiya … ek..do..theen.. Chaturrr cidiyaaN, sayaani chidiyaaN miljul kar, jaal le kar, bhaagee chidiyan furrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr door, ek gaaon ke paas, chidiyon ke dost, chuhe rahte the aur unhone, chidiyonkaa jaal, kaat diya……… tho dekha ki tumne, anek, sirf ek hojate hain tho kaisa mazaa aata hain didi main bataoon… HO GAYE EK …BAN GAYEE TAKAT..BAN GAYEE HIMMAT… didi agar hum ek ho jaayen to bada kaam kar sakte hain?haan haan, kyon nahi …
to is ped ke aam bhi thod sakte hain ??? haan, thod sakte hain, par jugat lagani hogi … *
* *
* * *
* * * * achaa, eh jugat, wah… bada mazaa ayegaa.. hind desh ke niwasi sabhi jana ek hain, -2 rang-roop vesh-bhaasha chaahe anek hain -2
ek-anek… ek-anek… suraj ek, chanda ek, taare anek,
ek titli, anek titaliyaaN
ek gilhari , anek gilhariyaaN
ek chidiyan, ek ek… anek chidiyaan bela gulab juhi champa chameli….. -2
phool hain anek kintu mala phir ek hai …-2 Text:
Sahayak: S.M. Hasan, Mahesh Taavre, Girish Rao
Design animation thadhaa nirmaan: Bheem Sen
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Vanilla Ice Cream that puzzled General motors!!!!
Vanilla Ice Cream that puzzled General motors!!!!
An Interesting Story - Never underestimate your Clients' Complaint, no matter how funny it might seem!
This is a real story that happened between the customer of General Motors
and its Customer-Care Executive. Pls read on.....
A complaint was received by the Pontiac Division of General Motors: 'This is the second time I have written to you, and I don't blame you for not answering me, because I sounded crazy, but it is a fact that we have a tradition in our family of Ice-Cream for dessert after dinner each night, but the kind of ice cream varies so, every night, after we've eaten, the whole family votes on which kind of ice cream we should have and I drive down to the store to get it. It's also a fact that I recently purchased a new Pontiac and since then my trips to the store have created a problem..... You see, every time I buy a vanilla ice-cream, when I start back from the store my car won't start. If I get any other kind of ice cream, the car starts just fine. I want you to know I'm serious about this question, no matter how silly it sounds "What is there about a Pontiac that makes it not start when I get vanilla ice cream, and easy to start whenever I get any other kind?" The Pontiac President was understandably skeptical about the letter, but sent an Engineer to check it out anyway.
The latter was surprised to be greeted by a successful, obviously well educated man in a fine neighborhood. He had arranged to meet the man just after dinner time, so the two hopped into the car and drove to the ice cream store. It was vanilla ice cream that night and, sure enough, after they came back to the car, it wouldn't start.
The Engineer returned for three more nights. The first night, they got chocolate. The car started. The second night, he got strawberry. The car started. The third night he ordered vanilla. The car failed to start.
Now the engineer, being a logical man, refused to believe that this man's car was allergic to vanilla ice cream. He arranged, therefore, to continue his visits for as long as it took to solve the problem. And toward this end he began to take notes: He jotted down all sorts of data: time of day, type of gas uses, time to drive back and forth etc.
In a short time, he had a clue: the man took less time to buy vanilla than any other flavor. Why? The answer was in the layout of the store. Vanilla, being the most popular flavor, was in a separate case at the front of the store for quick pickup. All the other flavors were kept in the back of the store at a different counter where it took considerably longer to check out the flavor.
Now, the question for the Engineer was why the car wouldn't start when it took less time. Eureka - Time was now the problem - not the vanilla ice cream!!!! The engineer quickly came up with the answer: "vapor lock".
It was happening every night; but the extra time taken to get the other flavors allowed the engine to cool down sufficiently to start. When the man got vanilla, the engine was still too hot for the vapor lock to
dissipate.
Even crazy looking problems are sometimes real and all problems seem to be simple only when we find the solution, with cool thinking.
Don't just say it is "IMPOSSIBLE" without putting a sincere effort.... Observe the word "IMPOSSIBLE" carefully.... Looking closer you will see, "I'M POSSIBLE"...
What really matters is your attitude and your perception. So never be shy to ask out ur questions.
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5 FACTS IN THE WORLD.....!! !
5 FACTS IN THE WORLD.....!! !
Fact 1: You cannot touch all your teeth with your tongue .
Fact 2 : After reading the first fact, all fools try it.
Fact 3: Fact 1 is false ha ha ha ha ha....!
Fact 4: Now you are laughing... bcoz you became a fool!!!
Fact 5: You are going to forward this now coz you don't wanna be the only fool ...
Cheers!
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Cheeni Kum / Happy Diwali
I hope everyone of you had seen CHEENI KUM, if not then here is a chance of you all people to have the visual treat of it. WISHING EVERYONE HERE A VERY HAPPY, PROSPEROUS , SPARKLING, FRUITFUL DIWALI. DDHHHHHOOOMMMMMMMM!
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"Most Embarrassing Moment in human life"
There was a World wide survey of "Most Embarrassing Moment in human life"
and the final three incidents are ....
Third Place
"It was the day before my eighteenth birthday. I was living at home, but my
parents had g! one out for the evening, so I invited my girlfriend over for
a romantic night alone. As we lay in bed after making love, we heard the
telephone ringing downstairs. I suggested to my girlfriend that I give her
a piggy-back ride to the phone. Since we didn't want to miss the call, we
didn't have time to get dressed. When we got to the bottom of the stairs,
the lights suddenly came on and a whole crowd of peop le yelled
"SURPRISE!".
My entire family, aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins and all of my
friends were standing there ! My girlfriend and I were frozen to the spot
in a state of shock and embarrassment for what seemed like an eternity.
Since then, no-one in my family has planned a surprise party again."
Second Place
"While in line at the bank one afternoon, my kid decided to release some
pent-up energy and started to run amuck. I was finally able to grab hold of
her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I
told her that if she didn't start behaving herself right now, she would be
punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just
as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that
I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee(dick) last night!".
The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the
tellers stopped what the! y were doing ! I mustered the last of my dignity
and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing that I
heard as the door closed behind me were the screams of laughter."
And the Winner is...
This one actually happened at Harvard University in October last year. In a
biology class, the professor was discussing the high glucose
levels found in semen. A young female (freshman), raised her hand and
asked, "If I understand what you are saying, there is a lot of glucose in
male
semen, as in sugar?" "That's correct." responded the professor, going on to
add! much statistical data. Raising her hand again, the sweet young thing
asked, "Then why doesn't it taste sweet?". After a stunned silence, the
whole class burst ou t laughing, the poor girl turned bright red and as she
realized exactly what she had inadvertently said (or rather implied), she
picked up her books without a word and walked out of the class, and never
returned.
However, as she was going out of the door, the professor's reply was a
classic. Totally straight-faced, he answered her question, "It doesn't
taste sweet because the taste-buds for sweetness are on the tip of your
tongue and not in the back of your throat!
Cheers..........
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Isko bhi salary hike chahiye!!!
I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:
I do physical labor.
I work at great depths.
I plunge head first into everything I do.
I do not get weekends or holidays off.
I work in a damp environment.
I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.
I work in high temperatures.
I am willing to work any shift.
My work exposes me to contagious diseases.
The response:
Dear Penis:
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised,
the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:
You do not work 8 hours straight.
You fall asleep after brief work periods.
You do not always follow the orders of the management team.
You do not stay in your designated work area and are often seen visiting other locations.
You do not take initiative, you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.
You leave your workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing.
You will retire well before you are 65.
You are unable to work double shifts.
You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed the assigned task.
And if that were not enough, you have been constantly entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.
Sincerely,
The Management
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PUT THE GLASS DOWN TODAY!
Once A professor began his class by holding up a glass with some water
in it.He held it up for all to see; asked the students, "How much do you think this glass weighs?
'50gms!' ?....'100gms!' .....'125gms' ......the students answered.
'I really don't know unless I weigh it,' said the professor, 'but, my question is: What would happen if I held it up like this for a few minutes?'
"Nothing" the students said.OK what would happen if I held it up like this for an hour?' the professor asked.Your arm would begin to ache' said one of the students.
You're right, now what would happen if I held it for a day?' Your arm could go numb, you might have severe muscle stress & paralysis; have to go to hospital for sure! ventured another student ; all the students laughed.Very good.
But during all this, did the weight of the glass change? Asked the professor.No replied the students Then what caused the arm ache; the muscle stress?'
Instead What should I do? The students were puzzled. Put the glass down! said one of the students.
Exactly!'
said the professor' Life's problems are something like this. Hold it for a few minutes in your head; they seem OK. Think of them for a long time; they begin to ache.
Hold it even longer; they begin to paralyze you. You will not be able to do anything.
It's important to think of the challenges (problems) in your life, but EVEN MORE IMPORTANT to 'put them down' at the end of every day before you go to leep.
That way, you are not stressed, you wake up every day fresh; strong; can handle any issue, any challenge that comes your way!
Remember friend- PUT THE GLASS DOWN TODAY!
EVEN MORE IMPORTANT to 'put them down' at the end of every day before you go to sleep.That way, you are not stressed, you wake up every day fresh; strong; can handle any issue, any challenge that comes your way!
Remember friend- PUT THE GLASS DOWN TODAY!
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“ HUM HINDUSTANI “
No hard feelings have fun “ HUM HINDUSTANI “ Bengali One Bengali = poet. Two Bengalis = a film society. Three Bengalis = political party. Four Bengalis = two political parties. Bihari One Bihari = Laloo Prasad Yadav. Two Biharis = booth-capturing squad. Three Biharis = caste killing. Four Biharis = entire literate population of Patna. Mallu One Mallu = coconut stall. Two Mallus = a boat race. Three Mallus = Gulf job racket. Four Mallus = oil slick. UP Bhaiyya One UP bhaiyya = a milkman. Two UP bhaiyyas = halwai shop. Three UP bhaiyyas = a fist-fight in the UP assembly. Four UP bhaiyyas = mosque-destruction squad. Gujju One Gujju = a share-broker in a Bombay train. Two Gujjus = rummy game in a Bombay train. Three Gujjus = Bombay's noisiest restaurant. Four Gujjus = stock market scam. Andhraite One Andhraite = chilli farmer. Two Andhraites = software company in New Jersey. Three Andhraites = Naxalite outfit. Four Andhraites = song-and-dance number in a Telugu movie. Kashmiri One Kashmiri = carpet salesman. Two Kashmiris = carpet factory. Three Kashmiris = terrorist outfit. Four Kashmiris = shoot-at-sight order. Tamil-Brahm One Tam-Brahm = priest at the Vardarajaperumal temple. Two Tam-Brahms = maths tuition class. Three Tam-Brahms = queue outside the U.S consulate at 4 a.m. Four Tam- Brahms = Thyagaraja music festival in Santa Clara Bombayite One Bombayite = footpath vada-pav stall. Two Bombayites = film studio. Three Bombayites = slum Four Bombayites = the number of people standing on your foot in the train at rush hour Sindhi One Sindhi = currency racket. Two Sindhis = papad factory. Three Sindhis = duplicate goods shop in Ulhasnagar. Four Sindhis = Hong Kong Retail Traders Association. Marwari One Marwari = the neighbourhood foodstuffs adulterator. Two Marwaris = 50% of Calcutta. Three Marwaris = finish off all Gujaratis & Sindhis. Four Marwaris = threaten the Jews as a community Punjabi One Punjabi =100 kg hulk named Pinky. Two Punjabis = Pinky with his bigger brother Twinky. Three Punjabis = assault on the McAloo Tikkis at the local McDonalds. Four Punjabis = combined IQ equal to one. |
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